Known Space Lightbulb jokes

From: Robert Sneddon <nojay@ibfs.demon.co.uk>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
Subject: Known Space Lightbulb jokes
Date: Sat, 16 Sep 95 23:33:35 GMT

Due to massive (well three people asked) demand, here is (from memory) the almost complete list of Larry Niven's Known Space (tm) lightbulb jokes :

• "How many Puppeteers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "None. They hire Beowulf Shaeffer to to it. Lightbulbs can be dangerous"

• "How many Trinoc does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "Why do you want to know about our maintenance schedules? Are you planning to attack us in the dark?"

• "How many Kdatlyno does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "None. It sounds perfectly OK to them."

• "How many tnuctip does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "Depends what you want them to change it into."

• "How many Kzin does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "None. You can scream and leap in the dark."

• "How many Carlos Wus does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "With an unlimited breeding licence, who needs lightbulbs?"

• "How many Slavers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "Dunno. How susceptible are lightbulbs to telepathy?"

• "How many Grogs does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "One. Something with manipulatory appendages will be along eventually."

• "How many bandersnatchii does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "Two. One to sit on your armoured hunting car, and one to explain what you'll have to do before it gets off again."

• "How many Pak Protectors does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "Only one, but the lightbulb has to smell right."

• "How many Ringworld Engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "Thirty. Hey, moving suns around isn't easy..."

• "How many Outsiders does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "Personal questions cost one trillion stars."

• "How many Teela Browns does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "Stupid question."

And a few Motie lightbulb jokes...

• "How many Motie Watchmakers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "One. Four to change the lightbulb and seventeen to convert the old bulb into an escape capsule for all the others."

• "How many Motie Warriors does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "None. One of the dead ones will do it."

and my favourite ...

• "How many Motie Mediators does it take to chage a lightbulb?"
  "Are you insane? Only Crazy Eddie would want to change anything!"

Slightly off-topic -

• "How do Motie Masters make omelettes in space?"
  "They juggle priceless eggs in variable gravity."

Robert Sneddon GM8YWD
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