In April 2000 a technobabble thread started up on the science fiction newsgroup rec.arts.sf.written, sparked by a poster asking why, in the Star Trek universe, they can't just use the replicator/transporter to restore killed crew?
Technobabble is as old as the hills. Classically, the magical deus ex machina appears, saving the day. Today the cast just spout magical high-tech nonsense, and all is well. The Doctor reverses the polarity of the neutron flow; Hitch Hiker poetry counterpoints the surrealism of the underlying metaphor; Star Trek crew forever recalibrate their sensors; and now...
why can't they just ...?
Matt Austern
>
They couldn't do that, because it would involve deneutralizing the
Bessel transform of the sigma-plus orbitron N/D field.
Susan Stepney
>
But what if they first phase-inverted the unionised polaron flux
through the second order scalar flow field?
Laura Haywood-Cory
>
You can't do that unless you adjust the flow field with a reverse
quantum metaphasic displacement converter; otherwise you'll overload the
gravimetric chronoton matrix.
Sea Wasp
>
No, no,
no
!
Second
-order scalar flow, not third! As
long as you do a baryon sweep beforehand and make sure the delta-ray
shielding is properly installed, the gravimetric chronoton matrix will
be fine. What you have to worry about with unionised polaron flux is
that the polarons will interact with the trilithium warp containment
field, especially during quantum-field interstice crystallization. This
doesn't apply in a fractal-length hyperrelatavistic discontinuity, of
course.
Susan Stepney
>
Ah, I expect [Laura]'s thinking about the old-model matrix there?
If you have a new model Hamiltonian matrix with the delta-field
enhancement, then all you need to do is discombobulate the eigenvector
products, invert the para-Jacobian resonator, normalise the tachyon flow
perpendicular to the meson field, and recalibrate the kappa grid.
Mike Stewart
>
Don't forget to revect the laminar escutcheon by applying a
phase-neutral unipolar baryon halo, or you'll end up releasing a quark
flood from the captive quantum filament. And we all know how dangerous
that
can be.
Susan Stepney
>
Well, naturally, that goes without saying. The orthophasic omicron
graticules would depolarise non-isotropically!