SFnal technobabble

In April 2000 a technobabble thread started up on the science fiction newsgroup rec.arts.sf.written, sparked by a poster asking why, in the Star Trek universe, they can't just use the replicator/transporter to restore killed crew?

Technobabble is as old as the hills. Classically, the magical deus ex machina appears, saving the day. Today the cast just spout magical high-tech nonsense, and all is well. The Doctor reverses the polarity of the neutron flow; Hitch Hiker poetry counterpoints the surrealism of the underlying metaphor; Star Trek crew forever recalibrate their sensors; and now...

why can't they just ...?

Matt Austern >
They couldn't do that, because it would involve deneutralizing the Bessel transform of the sigma-plus orbitron N/D field.

Susan Stepney >
But what if they first phase-inverted the unionised polaron flux through the second order scalar flow field?

Laura Haywood-Cory >
You can't do that unless you adjust the flow field with a reverse quantum metaphasic displacement converter; otherwise you'll overload the gravimetric chronoton matrix.

Sea Wasp >
No, no, no ! Second -order scalar flow, not third! As long as you do a baryon sweep beforehand and make sure the delta-ray shielding is properly installed, the gravimetric chronoton matrix will be fine. What you have to worry about with unionised polaron flux is that the polarons will interact with the trilithium warp containment field, especially during quantum-field interstice crystallization. This doesn't apply in a fractal-length hyperrelatavistic discontinuity, of course.

Susan Stepney >
Ah, I expect [Laura]'s thinking about the old-model matrix there? If you have a new model Hamiltonian matrix with the delta-field enhancement, then all you need to do is discombobulate the eigenvector products, invert the para-Jacobian resonator, normalise the tachyon flow perpendicular to the meson field, and recalibrate the kappa grid.

Mike Stewart >
Don't forget to revect the laminar escutcheon by applying a phase-neutral unipolar baryon halo, or you'll end up releasing a quark flood from the captive quantum filament. And we all know how dangerous that can be.

Susan Stepney >
Well, naturally, that goes without saying. The orthophasic omicron graticules would depolarise non-isotropically!