Stefan Weigert

The British are known to possess a particular sense of humour. Having lived in Britain for a couple of years you begin to understand why - it must have something to do with Darwinism, ie strategies of survival.

Life on this island is dealt with in surprising and creative ways, sometimes not easy to comprehend though. This page is a florilegium of puzzling observations which, admittedly, leave me pondering about the mindsets of my fellow citizens. However, observations such as those below cheer me up and that's why I would like to share them with you.

Public Transport

Train tickets in the UK have the size of credit cards. For a return trip you are being handed over three such cards: the first one is a receipt, the second one is for the first leg of your journey called "OUT", and the last one allows you to make the return leg "RTN". Makes perfect sense. However, when you buy your ticket using a vending machine, you occasionally get a forth one, pictured here:

Designwise, this object certainly qualifies as a piece of art - just blow it up to format A0 and fix it to the wall of an art gallery. But as an innocent traveller, what are you supposed to do with it, and why are you given it in the first place?

A recurrent reason for delays of trains is due to some inconsiderate trees dopping their leaves onto the tracks - this poster tells you all about it. Indeed, 11.8% of the UK is covered by forests! I wonder how countries such as France (28.3%) or Austria (46.7%) deal with this problem.

Sometimes the bus I am waiting for is not on time (oh yes, that happens!), and I have plenty of time to muster the interesting environment of the bus stop. Here is what I discovered when reading (out of desperation?) the time table presented:

In fact, most people would be quite happy if at least the services shown would actually run on the days shown...

Television

If you happen not to own a TV, you will bombarded with threatening letters by the licensing agency: they simply do not believe that you can do without a TV. Clear information about license fees is provided:

I do not know what license you need to purchase if you happen to be colour blind.

Bomb Threats

You sit in your office and then the unexpected happens: your phone rings and a muffled voice tells you that a bomb has been deposited in this or that location and it will go off in 29 minutes!

Unexpected? Well, stay calm and simply turn to page 111 of your institution's phone directory, to Section 5: Telephoned Bomb Threats. You will find various useful hints what to do in this case; the questions to ask the caller include the following ones:

whoiscalling?

Obviously, fair play in a highly civilised society such as the British one requires the caller to leave contact details with you. This makes perfect sense and, I admit, I would never have thought of asking the caller about his or her identity. Nevertheless, manners seem to be in decline, so you better check:

agenuinecaller?

(click here for a larger image)

I am completely at a loss with the part after the comma: are the Police or the Media really suspected to have placed the bomb?

Market Forces

We all know how important private businesses are for our well-being. Competition is tough and much creative thinking goes into a successful business as you can tell from this fantastic offer:

For a few days, a dried-out tomato plant was also available as "reduced to clear."

Sometimes you want your business to stand out. Just spice up its image by using some really exotic continental language such as French (?!):

Reading on, you find out that this 'Salon' is very inclusive - you will be served whatever happens to grow on your head:

Public Transport

Television

Bomb Threats

Market Forces

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