Coping: A Survival Guide for People with Asperger Syndrome

Keeping a clean slate

Whenever we go into a completely new environment and no-one knows us yet, we start off with an undamaged reputation, that is a clean slate.
It is largely by breaking the unwritten rules of society that people dirty their slates.
If you can keep using what you have read in this book, then it should be enough to allow you to keep a fairly clean slate, but don't expect to keep it cleaner than everyone else's slates.
Everyone tries to keep a mental note of everyone else's slate in their little group. This includes things people have said, things they have done, things they can and cannot do and the general way in which they come across.
It is mostly on the basis of your slate that people will be able to make fun of you.
If your slate is already dirty, don't despair; it is often a reversible process and if you are patient by ceasing to do anything wrong it should slowly improve.
Try not to tell someone too much about yourself or any of your weaknesses unless you have got to know them quite well because knowledge is power. This does not mean you have to bottle things up. (see chapter on Worrying)
If you wish, then by keeping your ears open you can learn about what's on other peoples slates.
Some people like to stand out. People who stand out but who cannot keep to the unwritten rules whilst doing so, can very easily make themselves into a target for other people's teasing or neglect.
Making a spectacle of ones self is also an easy way to become a target; but if you have Asperger Syndrome then it is often very difficult to know exactly what this means.
Making a spectacle of yourself is normally about doing things in public which makes you look different to everyone else (being the odd one out).
People who are able to stand out and be popular at the same time are said to have charisma. This is a gift which some people have but not others and it can often involve having a very accurate understanding of what is going on around you. It is popular belief that you can only have charisma if you were born that way but in the case of Asperger Syndrome this statement is not applicable.
It is usually better to stand out from the inside than on the outside.